haiz...nw @ my fren house typin tis entry....b4 tis...argh....wat a bad day....reached his house call him nv ans cos no batt...den call his gf den no reply cos silent mode den they slping....haiz...waited 4 them outside 4 nearly 15 mins...den went to mac 1st....waited 4 them 4 half n hour....zzz so frustrated....den they came....i acty simmered down n wanted to study....but theres sum mental block tt restrict mi to study....mayb is tt incident tt happen....or sth else...i jus dunno...argh....or mayb its my fren n his gf....haiz....c them so sweet compared to myself...bein alone...realli its an emotional toll....den went eat....den on the way to his house....they were holding hands on tis stretch of like endless road....wif nobody ard exc him n her....n mi....zzz feel so extra...so i pretended to msg to nt get distracted.....

nw im here....stuck in his house wif him n her bein lovey dubby....den i kp tinking of myself....all this past yrs tt i tried....but failed....he told mi....everything takes time to surface n happen.... but im tinking....cos he had a gf....so tts y he sae tt.... cum to tink of it....i had nv been realli successful in life...frm relationships.....to studies....den tinking back of all those days in sec sch when im bein bullied or criticised....wats wrong wif mi? am i realli tt bad as i tot i wld b?

nw currently they 2 dunno do wat la....i oso dun realli wanna care much....cos i no im nt even gonna hav it....so y bother? but jus feel like gettin outta here....away frm everything.....all these studies.....stress.....relationship things....everything.....jus mi n nature....but sch dun allow mi to... i jus nd a time alone....

haiz....y am i even here? i dunno....felt so wrecked n 'hurt' on the inside....nw dun realli hav the mood to do anything....jus wanna listen to mi music....i guess tts the onli 'person' tt i can b wif....4 nw....till tt time.....which i dunno will b when....mayb a few yrs....or mayb nt @ all....