jus woke up to blog some of my tots....cant slp anyway....so....

while i was trying to slp....flashes of the past came to my mind....tinking hw sensitive n cowardly i am.....tinking 4 quite some time b4 i go to slp these few days....tinking back.....it all started in my sec sch days.....these....'frens' of mine....who i tot they were.....ripped mi off all of my confidence i had to make mi who i am today.....it was the worst period of my life....

coming into poly....tot it wld b better....nv wld i tot it wld come back n haunt mi.....oso....i hav becum more n more sensitive....even simple comments like wat im wearing or wat im doin is taken seriously into tots.....n kp ringing into my head.....my 1 tot is trying to get rid of it....but my another keeps tinking bout it.....so im still stuck in tis dilemma n cant seem to get out of it.....

another issue....a more impt 1 i lag is the confidence......simple task i cant do well due to lack of it....leadership is a veri impt thing in life....but if i dun hav confidence....hw do i move on in life? speaking up....normal start talk wif strangers.....even to frens.....all i cant do properly.....i dun even know hw to start.....

i jus realised i cooped myself into tis 'shield' tt i am....nt havin the courage to break out of it....tinking chatting online....on the phone....or emails or letters is the best way of communication rather den a straight up talk.....tinking music is the best company when frens r ard who acty r the best companion u hav besides ur family....jus dunno wat to do....

to all my frens who know mi n r readin tis post....i hope u can tolerate my sensitivity towards u guys.....some comments made i know is trivial n shld b 'disposed' in my mind....but somehw i am nt able to throw it away n take it to heart....which i dun like....but my mind somehw does so....

about my confidence....i am hoping i am given a slight chance of bein able to do wat i wanna do...tho i know its all up to myself to build up confidence....but i haven been able to do it 4 the past 5 yrs....to speak up....to hav e courage to do wat i wan to do....to do.....a lotta things tt were once hindered by my confidence....but 4 nw....i dunno wat to do to do so....i hope i am able to b who i truly b....a sanguine tt i tot i wld b.....nt a melancholic/choleric tt i am nw.....

off to my slp den....gt FYP tml....praying tt i can slp tho.....