oh well....i did received my letter on the morning of my last post.....n u no wat? its in....SEPTEMBER!!! im like....wtf.....i hav to wait 4 4 freakin mths jus to b posted to the army?

a lotta things ran thru my mind aft i received it....kp tinking bout the past.....bout tt moment in time during sec sch npcc.....but mostly tinking bout hw i managed to do napfa twice n failed both times while all my others frens jus pass wif onli one shot.....i kp tinking....the effort i put in wif them is the same.....but hw come the results tt came out is totally different? i oso had another tot....most....can sae almost all of my cls mates all went in the july batch.....yet im stuck here havin to b mocked @......being inside the 4 + 9 wks BMT....havin to ORD much later den them.....i kinda tot to myself....hw life hav been so unfair to mi.....everything jus doesnt seem to work out 4 mi.....everything......cos of my failure in napfa....i nd to go thru 4 freakin wks of PTP...im pes A summore....surely will get tortured more....freakin hell lor......nw jus havin the tot of bein stuck 4 4 mths n havin to find a job instead of goin in quickly to finish tt 2 yrs is killin mi....jus havin tt tot made mi realised i shldnt even go out today.....to b mocked @....to exhaust myself....cos i hav been goin out everyday since tuesday....so nw im realli exhausted....

sum1 did tell mi one thing.....tt is to b happy in life....n b optimistic bout it.....but aft i received tt letter....it jus seems like an execution tt is bein delayed....argh....

havin been eating well or talking much to the ppl ard mi....mayb cos im driftin to these stupid tots....kp tellin myself to snap out of it.....but jus cant seem to....where hav all the enthusiasm of mi wantin to go army go? is it cos i gt the undesired pes A? or cos i failed my napfa nt once....but twice....n cos mi 3 mths penalty? or cos i gt posted in sept....havin to wait a long time b4 i go in....n a long time b4 i ORD? i dunno....mind is in a whirl nw....

i know u r tryin to let mi c the brighter side of things.....by all those things u told mi....n im tryin very hard nt to tink of it.....but jus sumhw....my frens....sometimes myself....will jus triggered it.....n cos mi to go into tis.....depressing....state...i can realli feel ur effort to try to snap mi out of tis....n i''ll try nt to tink of it so often....n c things in a more positive manner....thanks for everything....realli appreciate it =)